Absence
by Kemmy
Summary: COMPLETE! Each life touches so many others for good. When Clark doesn’t realize how much he improves his loved ones’ lives, he gets the chance to see what they would be like without him. Mainly Clana, Some Chlark.
1. The Stranger

1The usual disclaimers apply. We wished we owned Smallville and/or It's a Wonderful Life because not only would we be significantly more wealthy, but brilliant as well. Alas, however, all brilliant characters, quotes, and/or ideas that resemble anything from Smallville or It's a Wonderful Life belong to others. We are also unfamiliar with the various ways in which we could be sued, but we have no money and are not making any from this story. Don't sue us please.

This is inspired by the movie "It's a Wonderful Life," so those who have seen it may recognize some aspects of the story. It doesn't follow the movie too closely, just the general idea. This is in Season 3 time, before dear Pete is gone.

**Chapter 1:**

Clark couldn't believe what he was seeing. Just on the other side of this window his father was lying in a hospital bed. If only he had gotten there sooner, he could have helped. It was his fault. It was always his fault. With all his powers and abilities, all he ever managed to do was let those he loved most get hurt.

His father was lifting hay bales with a tractor. Clark was supposed to be there to help him, but he had stopped to hang out with his friends at the Talon. By the time he reached the farm, his father was lying unconscious in the field with a hay bale on top of him. Clark had run him to the hospital and the doctor said the odds were in his favor, but Clark knew all of this could have been avoided if he had gone home to help his dad.

He couldn't just stand there helpless. He had to get away. Clark left the hospital and soon found himself in the graveyard. It was cold, but it was a wonderful place to think. If he went home, he would risk having to face his mother. She was at the hospital now, but she would notice Clark wasn't there sooner or later, and probably look for him at home. He thought about his dad. If he caught him blaming himself again, Clark knew exactly what would happen. He could almost hear his dad saying "Son . . . " Clark smiled for a minute, but it quickly faded. Despite his parents' reassurances that the accidents that occurred in their lives could not be prevented, no matter how many powers he had, he had hurt them so many times.

His thoughts turned to his friends. No matter how hard he tried, he always let them get hurt as well. It had started from the moment he came to Smallville. Their lives had all been made worse by the meteor shower. Especially Lana and Lex. Lana's parents had died and Lex's whole life had changed that day . . . he had almost died himself.

Clark reflected on all the terrible things that he had caused in the lives of his friends and family. Because of him, his mom had lost the baby, and both his parents had been hurt numerous times because of meteor rocks and those infected by them. Pete had been hurt while trying to protect Clark's secret, and Chloe and Lex had been attacked as well. Lana, the girl of his dreams, had been hurt so many times because of him. It seemed like he couldn't stop hurting her. He suddenly remembered something Lana had said a while ago.

_"Life would just be so much better for everyone if the meteor shower never happened."_

She wasn't talking about him, but Clark couldn't help thinking that she had been right. If he'd never come, life would be so much better for everyone.

"They'd all be better off if I just left Smallville," Clark thought aloud.

"Surely you don't mean that."

Clark turned to see a stranger standing next to a headstone. _That's weird_, Clark thought, _I didn't hear anyone coming over._

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm a friend. You didn't really mean what you said, did you?"

"Mean what?"

"That everyone would be better off if you left. You know what happened last summer. They were all worse off."

"Okay . . . I don't know how you know that, but maybe you're right. It'd be better if I had never come to Smallville at all." Clark was confused and more than a little annoyed by this guy. Who did he think he was?

"Well, if you're sure that's what you want . . . fine, you've never come to Smallville."

"What are you talking about?"

"The meteor shower never happened and you do not exist."

"Buddy, how much did you have to drink at the Wild Coyote?" Clark asked. This guy was clearly out of it. Clark was so sure this man was nuts, that he hadn't even noticed the man's reference to the meteor shower.

"You've been given a gift Clark. You have the chance to see what the world would be like without you in it."

Clark turned away from the stranger, getting very irritated. When he turned back the man was gone.

He did, however, see two other people in the graveyard. Though it was a cold day, they seemed to be holding each other more for comfort than warmth. They were crying as they walked away from one of the graves.

That woman looked extremely familiar. "Lana?" Clark called, and the woman turned, a pained expression on her face, but it wasn't Lana after all.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I thought maybe I knew you." As the couple turned to leave, Clark called out to them again. "Wait . . . I'm sorry, I don't want to bother you, but you look so familiar. Who are you?"

The man answered. "I'm Lewis Lang and this is my wife Laura."

The couple turned and walked away.


	2. Lana? My Fault

Here's Chapter 2 for you all. Thanks to all the very nice people who reviewed. We appreciate it since it lets us know our story is fit for reading. :) This chapter is for the Clana fans. For our Chloe supporter: your chapter's coming.

**Chapter 2:**

Clark couldn't believe what he had just heard. It was impossible. Lana's parents had died 14 years ago; the day he had come to earth; the day of the meteor shower. The stranger's words rang through his head.

'You've never come to Smallville . . . You do not exist'.

Clark chuckled. Who was he kidding? Did he really believe that some stranger in a graveyard could make him nonexistent? But then again, who could that couple have been? The odds of a married couple having the same names as Lana's parents were slim.

He looked back to where the couple had been. Suddenly he got an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt as if he knew whose grave they had been crying over. When he saw the headstone, his fears were confirmed: _Lana Lang, 1986 - 2002 Forever Loved._

Not wanting to believe what it said he read it over and over. It couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening.

Memories of the past couple years ran through Clark's mind. _Did they really say all that? Oh yeah, they're quite chatty once you get them started...If you change your mind, I might save you a dance...Lana? Yes. Happy Birthday...What was that for? Just being you...Sometimes the right person can be right in front of your eyes and you don't even know it...You're the one good, constant thing in my life and I don't want to lose you too...After all some people are just meant to be together...I'm really exited about our date...I guess that's my way of saying you mean a lot to me...Maybe it's me that needs to start believing in you...I love you Clark... _

His hot tears dripped onto the cold stone. If this wasn't real, why did he feel like it was? He was startled when he heard the stranger's voice.

"You weren't there to save her Clark."

Clark's sadness could be heard in his voice as well as seen on his face. "What do you mean?" he asked wiping his eyes.

"She was on her way back from seeing her boyfriend off to basic training when the wind picked up. Her truck was sucked into the tornado. She didn't make it."

Clark couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had saved Lana from the tornado. There was no way this could be true.

It was as if the stranger could read his thoughts, "You didn't run in after her Clark. You never came to Smallville."

Clark was torn between thinking this man was crazy and wondering how he could know so many details of his life. No one knew about the tornado, except him. One thought was most powerful in his mind, however. Lana couldn't be dead. No matter how real this felt, it couldn't be. It was as if Clark felt that if he believed it enough, he could change it. As he stared at her gravestone, his resolve strengthened.

"No. It's not true. You're lying. It can't be true." The last words were almost a plea, as his fears threatened to resurface.

Clark looked up from the gravestone once more only to see that the stranger had disappeared again. He was becoming more confused about what was happening. There had to be a way to make sense of all this; a way to prove that this man was crazy. Who else could he turn to for help? Suddenly, as if the thought was there waiting for him, Chloe's name popped into his mind.


	3. I thought I'd lost you

Here you go Chlarkers. This one's for you. And thanks again for all of the happy reviews. And special thanks to our beta reader whose input and ideas have greatly improved this chapter.

**Chapter 3:**

Clark super-sped as fast as he could to the Torch. Chloe always helped him when he needed it. Surely she could figure out who this guy was. As he stepped through the doorway, he stopped dead in his tracks. The wall of weird was gone. Clark was shocked. Chloe would never take that down, would she? His eyes landed on a nearby copy of the Torch. He picked it up. As he glanced at the front page, his heart stopped.

_"New Book Club Starting Tuesday" by Lindsay Harrison, Editor in Chief_

Clark couldn't believe this was happening. Who the heck was Lindsay Harrison? The torch meant everything to Chloe. There was no way she would let it go. He started looking around the office, feeling worse and worse every second. His resolution to not believe any of this was weakening. If this wasn't real, how did you explain the rearranged Torch? The stranger was taking his little game way too far.

Clark left the torch in frustration only to meet the stranger in the hallway.

"She doesn't work here because she doesn't live here Clark. Your dad didn't convince the Ross brothers to sell, and Lionel never built the fertilizer plant. Chloe's dad never got a job here. She lives in Metropolis."

"Where is she?" Clark practically yelled, "What did you do with her?"

"She's in the newspaper office at Metropolis High, but wait, I'm not sure you want to see-"

It was too late. Clark had already super-sped away.

Clark stopped just outside a closed office door. A sign above it said _Metropolis High School Times_. Inside, behind a desk sat Chloe. Even from this distance Clark could see that she looked different. She wasn't quite the same Chloe. There was something wrong, but he couldn't figure out exactly what it was. He was just relieved to see that Chloe was still doing what she was born to do. It looked as though she would have been just fine without him.

Just then, a girl came into the office from another door and yelled at Chloe, startling both her and Clark. The girl's angry words traveled through the closed door to Clark's ears.

"Hey Sullivan! What do you think you are doing in my office! Haven't you finished cleaning in here by now! I suppose you think you can be some kind of reporter. I guess you _are _taking after your crazy mother."

Clark was trying to make sense of it as Chloe came bursting through the door right into him. She was crying and dragging a large garbage can.

"Chloe, what's wrong?' Clark asked, reaching out and touching her arm.

"Get away from me! I don't need your pity." Chloe replied, jerking away from him.

"Chloe what are you saying? It's me, Clark."

"I don't know who you are and I'm really not in the mood."

"The mood for what?"

"I've heard it all okay. It's not funny or original. I don't need any jokes about my crazy mother, or the fact that I clean up after you. It's all just really old."

Clark suddenly realized what was different about Chloe. It was her eyes. Most people probably wouldn't have noticed, but when you spend almost every waking hour with a person, you notice these things about them. Her eyes lacked the twinkle they had whenever she talked to him, or whenever she was hard at work investigating a story. It was always there. Even when she was upset, the twinkle was hiding, threatening to emerge. It was such a little thing, but was so much a part of her that it caught Clark off guard when he saw that it was gone. He couldn't believe it. One of his best friends was standing in front of him and she didn't even know him. He longed for the twinkle to reappear, along with a 'you really believed that I didn't know you' smile. But it never came. Something Chloe had said surfaced in his mind. What was this about her mother? He spoke his last thought. "What do you mean your crazy mother? You don't even know your mother."

"As if you didn't know. Just leave me alone." Chloe was almost pleading. Clark couldn't stand to see her like this.

"Chloe don't you recognize me? I'm your best friend. I thought _you_ would at least remember me. I don't know what this guy has done, but please say you remember me. I need your help."

"I think you need some psychiatric help because I have no idea who you are."

"Yes you do. You've lived in Smallville since eighth grade. You're the editor of the Torch. We went to the spring formal together."

"You are really messed up you know that? I'd like to know what kind of fantasy world you live in 'cause it sounds great. Maybe they'll let you stay in that little world when you check into Belle Reve." She turned and started down the hallway. Clark made one last effort to call after her.

"Chloe please remember. You and I and Pete do everything together!"

And then it hit him. What about Pete? Pete was the only one who knew Clark's secret. Could this stranger have gotten to him too?


	4. You needed a friend & so did I

**Here's the next Chapter. Sorry it took longer this time. We've been crazy busy.This chapter is for all the Pete appreciators like us. Come back Pete! Thanks again for all the feedback.**

**_Chapter 4:_**

As Clark ran back home, a new idea occurred to him; an idea that he wouldn't have been even close to accepting a few hours before. It was Chloe's reaction that had brought it to his mind. What if this wasn't some kind of trick? What if somehow, in a way that Clark had no hope of understanding, the stranger was able to do what he said? What if Clark really didn't exist?

He decided to go to the Talon. That was where he had last seen Pete, and even if he was no longer there, someone would have seen him. Pete was Clark's last hope; the last chance he had of believing that this world he was in now wasn't real. Pete would never betray him. If this was a game, there was no way that Pete would go along with it.

Clark super-sped to the center of town, but stopped short. He thought he must have made a wrong turn because he was standing in front of a parking garage. He looked around and saw the Fordman's store. He must be in the right place, but where was the Talon? He stopped a passing woman.

"Excuse me, Where is the Talon?"

"The old movie theater? It's been closed for years. A couple years ago, Luthor Corp bought it and tore it down."

"That's not right. They were going to, but Lana Lang made it into a coffee shop."

"Oh, it's coffee you want, is it? Well go down two blocks and you'll find the Beanery. Best coffee in town." The woman continued walking and Clark was left with a sense of dread.

He thought about the stranger. Everyone seemed to think that this life was normal. There was no way they could all be in on the "joke." They must believe it. His own friends wouldn't turn against him. Even with the strain in his and Chloe's relationship right now, he couldn't believe she would do something like this.

Just then, Clark saw the stranger leaning against the parking garage, whistling to himself. A sudden idea occurred to Clark. He grabbed the stranger's arm to get his attention.

"The game's up buddy."

"I beg your pardon?" the stranger replied.

"You almost had me, but you messed up."

"Care to explain?" the stranger replied in the same calm, unworried voice.

"Well, the Ross brother's never sold Lionel their factory right?"

"Right."

"So Luthor Corp never would've built this parking garage." Clark smiled proudly at his perceptiveness.

"I think you're forgetting something. Luthor Corp builds other things besides fertilizer plants. Smallville is not 'Luthor Free'. There's a huge Luthor Corp condominium complex south of town. It's been around for about 10 years. This parking garage is just another one of their projects 'for a better Smallville'."

Clark looked up a the immense cement building. When he looked back the stranger was gone again.

Clark felt a sudden urgency to find Pete. He thought he might as well go to the Beanery, remembering how they had all hung out there before the Talon was renovated. As he approached, he saw Pete inside, surrounded by people as usual. Pete was apparently telling them a joke because the whole room erupted in laughter. _This is right_, Clark thought. _This is normal_. The 'normalness' of the scene gave Clark the courage to walk right up to Pete.

"Hey Pete, listen, I need to talk to you."

"Okay," Pete replied, though he looked a little confused. Clark was certain he had read Pete's expression wrong in his paranoia. He was probably just worried.

They stepped outside. Clark was so happy that _someone_ knew him that he started right into his explanation, barely pausing to breathe.

"Pete I don't know what's going on but I was in the graveyard and this drunk guy showed up and he said I didn't exist and then Lana was dead and Chloe didn't even know me and- What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Clark had just noticed that Pete was staring at him blankly.

"Umm, don't you think we should start with an introduction? That'd be helpful."

Clark felt weak as his last hope was torn from him. He replied in a tired voice, with no hope of triggering recognition. "It's me Clark, your best friend."

Pete just stared at him and then chuckled, "Look, if you want to come to my party on Saturday you don't have to pretend you're my best friend. You can come." And with that he turned to go back inside.

Pete had barely stepped into the doorway when he froze. The people were laughing again, but their laughter made Clark's stomach churn. Their words carried to where Clark stood, though they clearly didn't realize that Pete was listening.

"That Ross kid is such a joke. He thinks he's hilarious."

"At least we didn't have to listen to that lame story about his dad _saving _the town from Lionel Luthor when he refused to sell his creamed corn factory. I must've hear that one at least a hundred times."

"_And then my wonderful daddy told Lionel Luthor he could look for a factory elsewhere._" one of the boys added in a mocking tone.

Pete spun around and rushed past Clark down the street, trying to hide the tears streaming down his face. Clark strained to listen and when Pete was about two blocks away Clark heard him say to himself, "All I ever wanted was a friend."

Clark's world was shattering around him. First Lana, then Chloe, and now Pete. His hope that this was some kind of game or trick was gone. This was real; this was the life he was stuck living, alone. What could he do now? He needed someone to help him; someone to help figure out a way to make things right. Who else did he have to turn to?

As if in answer to his question, he heard the stranger's voice again, "I bet you're wondering about Lex."


	5. I didn't dive in after Lex's car

1Sorry it took us so long to update again. We didn't get much of a response from our Pete chapter, though I admit, it's not our best one. This one's pretty short, but it's kind of a bridge to the next part of the story. We hope you enjoy it and keep in mind that the best is yet to come. Please R&R.

_**Chapter 5:**_

Lex. How could he have forgotten about Lex? They'd been best friends ever since Clark had saved Lex's life. He turned to the stranger, horrified at the thought of what would become of Lex in this 'new life,' and said, "Where is he?"

The stranger looked down a moment and then replied, "You won't believe me, you have to see it with your own eyes."

Suddenly as if they had teleported to Metropolis, they were standing in the courtyard outside the Luthor Corp building.

Clark looked up at the building and said, "Lex is working for his father . . . I suppose there could be worse things. I don't see why I had to see it myself though."

The stranger answered with a sober expression, "It's not that Clark, turn around."

Clark's strong knees almost buckled at the sight before his eyes. There stood the destroyed Porsche, the exact one Lex had driven into the river. If Clark hadn't known Lionel Luthor so well, he would have wondered who would make such a tacky memorial. This seemed just Lionel's style. Below the Porsche was a plaque inscribed with: _Alexander "Lex" Luthor, Beloved Son, Soaring to greater heights, even now. _Next to the plaque was a picture of Lex, hardly recognizable with a full head of red hair.

Sadness filled Clark as he thought of what life would have been like without Lex- and what life would be like now that he was gone. He felt as if he had lost a sibling again. This feeling was made worse by the thought that it was his fault _again_. Lex was like his older brother. He was always there to give him advice, especially about Lana, and always seemed to find a way to make Clark's life easier. He had even bought their farm so they wouldn't have to move away.

Clark didn't know what else to do. A sense of hopelessness began to settle in the pit of his stomach. Lana had been taken away from him and Pete and Chloe didn't even know him, which was as bad as losing them. And now Lex. Clark felt his hopelessness suddenly turn to rage. Rage toward this man and all that he had done. Before the stranger even realized what was happening, Clark had him pinned against a wall.

"Stop! Stop this right now! I don't want to live like this! JUST STOP IT!"

The stranger stayed surprisingly calm, "This is what you wanted Clark. The world would be better off without you, remember."

"OKAY! YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT! GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK!"

The stranger answered again in his annoyingly calm voice, "I'm still not sure you understand." And he vanished from Clark's grasp.

Clark turned with anger and grief almost emanating from his eyes. He'd done it again; he'd hurt those he loved most. He made things worse than they'd ever been before. Who could he turn to when things got hard? Who would embrace him and tell him it would be okay- tell him it wasn't his fault? His parents. Why hadn't he thought of them before? They knew him better than anyone and loved him in spite of everything. He needed them now more than ever. Clark's heart dropped into his shoes as he wondered if he had hurt them again.


	6. Happy Days Again?

1Thanks for all the nice reviews. Especially superman's my hero. You totally made our day. We hope you all enjoy this chapter. It is our favorite. Please read and review. We like it.

_**Chapter 6:**_

Clark felt like he was running faster than he ever had before. He must have run

by the farm ten times before he realized that the Luthor Corp condominium complex _was _the farm. His mouth dropped open as he looked around. It hadn't occurred to him that the condos the stranger mentioned would be built on his farm. There was nothing there that he recognized. All the fields where he had worked alongside his father and the house and barn where he'd had most of his happiest memories, were gone. He couldn't believe it.

Just then, something caught his eye. Tucked among all the condominiums was the yellow farmhouse. For the first time since he had met the stranger, he felt hope that he could still be happy in this world that he'd wished for.

He ran up to the door and knocked. He was tempted to burst into the house, but considering his current situation, he decided against it. He felt like he was waiting on the porch forever, but finally the door opened showing his father. He couldn't believe his eyes. The man who stood there looked nothing like the man he had left in the hospital that morning. He wasn't injured of course, but that was not what Clark had noticed. He'd grown up his whole life believing his father could do anything; that he was ageless. His hero stood there looking old and tired.

He quickly pulled himself together, "What happened to the farm?"

Jonathan hesitated a second, then proceeded questioningly, "I don't know who you are and I don't discuss the private details of my life with strangers."

Clark felt the hurt growing inside of him, but he wanted to talk to his dad so he quickly said, "I'm sorry, can I come in?"

Jonathan grunted and opened the door wider so Clark could get past.

Clark stepped into the house. It was just as he remembered it, with a few exceptions; all pictures of him were nowhere in sight. As Clark looked around he dared to allow himself to feel some relief. The familiarity even allowed a smile to form on his lips, but it quickly left when he saw Jonathan's questioning look. He knew he had to come up with something to talk about or he would be quickly shooed from the house.

"Umm . . . hi, my name is Clark. . . Sullivan," he said, fishing for the only surname Jonathan wouldn't recognize. "I just moved into town and I had some questions for you."

Jonathan looked a little suspicious, but he always believed in people. "Okay," he said. "Ask away." He led Clark into the living room. "Please have a seat."

"Well, I heard in town that you and your wife are some of the town's longest citizens, so I figured you could help me out."

"That's right. This farm- well I guess it's not a farm anymore, but you know what I mean- has been in my family for three generations."

"My father once told me that this was the best farm for miles," Clark said with a twinkle in his eye.

"That's right it was," Jonathan replied as the front door opened. In walked Clark's favorite person in the world; his mother. She looked tired, but just as beautiful as ever.

"Hi sweetheart, how was work?" Jonathan asked as he walked into the hall and embraced his wife.

"It was as good as working for a Luthor can be."

"You don't have to work for him." Jonathan replied softly, with a furtive look at Clark, "We don't need to stay here. We don't have to let Lionel control our lives."

"No Jonathan. We already discussed this a hundred times. I'll do it. Your family has worked too hard for us to lose everything. Working with Lionel is worth it if we can keep our home."

She sounded so exhausted. Clark had never seen her so tired in all her years working on the farm or during her brief time working with Lionel. _She wasn't supporting us on her own though,_ he thought.

He was pulled from his thoughts by his father's voice. "Martha, this is Clark Sullivan. His family just moved into town."

"Hello," said Martha, reaching out her hand. "It'll be nice to have some new faces around here." Clark resisted the urge to hug her and stood and took her hand.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Kent."

"You'll have to introduce us to your parents soon, Clark."

"Yeah...I'll do that. I'm sure you'd like them..." Clark's voice trailed off. Now that he was here, he wasn't quite sure what to say.

Perhaps the sight of his tired mother encouraged him, or maybe the fact that his parents didn't know him, made him more desperate. Whatever the cause, he decided to be daring.

"I have something to tell you both. It's going to sound crazy, but just hear me out. I need some help and you're the only people that can do it."

They both looked at him incredulously, waiting for him to continue.

"I know you both, perhaps better than anyone in the world." Jonathan and Martha looked at him questioningly, but they were still listening, so Clark continued, "I'm your son. You named me after your family name, mom. You found me-"

He was cut short when his father grabbed his arm. He noticed his mother was crying. Had she recognized him? . . . No, she was just upset.

"Look. This is not amusing." Jonathan's voice was tense and his grip on Clark's arm was getting tighter. How could Clark make them believe him?

"When you found out that you couldn't have children," he said desperately, "mom turned to you and said that you'd have happy days again. And you had them, with me, we're so happy."

Clark's words convinced him more than they had his parents. He had been happy in his life. His parents loved him. His friends were there for him. Sure life gets hard sometimes. Sure sometimes he couldn't save them. They got hurt sometimes and so did he, but Clark couldn't imagine living this way; living his whole life alone. In his life he was happy. They were all happy. Together.

He was again torn from his thoughts by his father's voice, an angry one this time. "How dare you come in here and upset my wife this way! Did Lionel Luthor send you! You know what! I don't care who did. How ever much they're paying you, is it worth it? Do you honestly get some kind of satisfaction from tearing apart peoples' lives!"

He dragged Clark toward the front door and Clark was so shocked that he didn't put up much of a fight. How could things have gone so wrong? It was all his fault. He'd made a terrible mistake.

Clark jumped as the door slammed behind him


	7. A Second Chance

**Well, this is the last chapter. We hope you enjoy it. Please read and review. It makes us happy. Sorry this is so long, but we wanted to finish this up. We may post an authors notes chapter soon to answer some questions people have had. We'll see. Enjoy.**

**_Chapter 7:_**

Clark stood on the porch for a moment, not quite processing what had just happened. He had never intended to upset his parents, and it broke his heart to see his mother cry. He had to get his life back. Feeling his hopelessness return, he headed back to the graveyard where he had first seen the man who made this happen.

When he got to the graveyard, he knelt down by Lana's grave once more. How could he have wanted this? He had always thought his life only brought hurt. If only he had known the hurt that would come from the absence of his life, he never would have wanted to leave.

Clark thought about the events that had taken place with his parents and his friends. He wanted everything to be back to normal. He wanted to be there to comfort his parents and to talk with his friends like they used to. He wanted to just be there with them and have them _know_ him.

As he remembered how things used to be- all the smiles and even the tears -his own tears began to sting his eyes again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever wanted this," he said to the empty graveyard, hoping somehow those he loved would understand. He looked down at the gravestone. More memories played out in his mind. _That's the thing about Clark Kent, he's not always there when you want him, but he's always there when you need him... Maybe some of us want to celebrate the day you came into our lives. _

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you Lana. I would have if I could. It's all my fault. I just wanted to stop the pain I caused you. I never thought it would make things worse. I wish it would all go back to normal. I want my life back."

Just then he heard footsteps in the graveyard. He was hoping the stranger had returned, but when he turned around he was facing his mother. "Mom?"

Martha answered him with a look of worry. "Sweetheart, are you all right? I was getting worried. I came home looking for you and you weren't there. Pete said he hadn't seen you, and Chloe and Lana didn't know where you were. We've been looking everywhere for you."

A smile broke across his face as he strode over and gave her a big hug. He didn't want to let go. "I'm sorry mom," he whispered.

Martha pulled away looking at her son. "Sorry for what Clark?"

"Oh never mind," Clark said. As he put his arm around his mother and headed toward the hospital, he looked at her again. "Mom?"

"Yes baby?"

"I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart," Martha said smiling.

Clark was happy that everything was back to normal. His father was awake now and Martha had told Clark that he was over the worst. Clark went into his father's room with his mother. Jonathan looked up as the door opened. "When are they gonna let me outta here," he asked with a tired grin.

Clark walked up and carefully hugged his father. "I'm really sorry dad. I should have been there."

"Son," Jonathan began, so much like Clark had imagined it that he couldn't help but grin. "It's not your fault," he continued, "Farming accidents happen all the time. I'm going to be fine."

Clark tried to believe his father and thinking of his nightmare- for whether it was real or not, it had been a nightmare- he said, "I'm just happy you're okay, dad. I love you, you know that?"

"Well, I love you too son," Jonathan replied, though he looked a little shocked at Clark's sudden expression of his feelings.

Both of his parents had noticed that something was up. When they asked him, he wasn't quite sure how to explain. He wasn't even sure he understood it himself. He finally decided to give them a part of the truth, which he had done so much in hiding his secret, that it was second nature.

"I just realized today how important everyone in my life is- all my friends, and especially you two. I'm really glad you're my parents."

As the family embraced, Clark knew that he would never be happier.

Just then Lex opened the door. "Sorry to bother you. I just wanted to tell you that my specialists have agreed to stay until you check out Mr. Kent, so if there's anything you need, they can help you."

Martha smiled, "That's great Lex. Thanks again."

Lex looked at Jonathan and there was an awkward pause until Jonathan held out a hand, "Yes, thank you Lex."

Clark watched the scene amazed. He never thought his father would accept help from Lex Luthor, but perhaps he had put prejudice aside when Lex had purchased their farm. As Lex stepped out of the room, Clark stood and followed him.

"Hey Lex," Clark called. "Thanks."

Lex came back to where Clark stood, just outside his father's room. "It's no problem Clark, that's what specialists are paid to do."

"No I don't just mean for that," Clark said, "I mean everything. Especially for buying the farm. I never got a chance to thank you for that."

"It's the least I could do for all the times you've helped me out. You've been a true friend."

"I guess we're even then." Clark grinned.

As Lex walked down the hall toward the elevator, two familiar, and extremely welcome faces emerged from it. Chloe and Pete looked worried as they came to where Clark stood.

"Clark, my man, we were worried about ya. Where've you been?" Pete gave Clark a friendly smack on the arm.

"I've just been thinking," then at the worried look of his two friends he added, "I was just worried about my dad."

Chloe spoke up with a grin,"Well, we're glad you're safe. Although a missing Clark Kent would have made a front page Daily Planet column. I can see it now: _Boy Who's Always There, Suddenly Nowhere_."

Clark grinned too. It was great to have them both know him again, but he couldn't shake the memory of earlier. "Hey Pete, you know I'm your friend right- that I'm always here for you?"

Pete looked at Clark like he was crazy. "Yeah Clark, sure."

Chloe looked at him strangely. "Are you sure you're alright Clark?" Then she got a mischievous twinkle in her eye, the twinkle that Clark had so longed for earlier. "We could always have you admitted to Belle Reve for some psychiatric help."

Pete and Chloe burst into laughter and Clark, who was the only one struck by the irony of the scene tried to force a laugh himself.

"Well I gotta go home. Someone's gotta take care of the farm until my dad get's back." Clark said.

Chloe's laughter subsided and she looked up at Clark. "We'll go with you if you want. You know, give you some company."

"Thanks Chloe, I appreciate the offer," Clark started, smiling down at her, "but I'll be fine. I'd like some time alone."

Clark sat in the loft thinking about the events of the day. He was grateful that his dad was doing better and that he had been able to spend time with his friends. The only person he hadn't seen was Lana. He was anticipating seeing her, and trying to figure out what he was going to say. He had been pushing her away again and the past couple days had made him realize how important she was to him. Wasn't choosing not to be part of her life, the same as if he'd never come? If it wasn't too late, maybe he could fix his mistake. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Lana's voice.

"Hey there stranger. How's your dad?"

Clark smiled "He's good. He should be home in a couple days."

Lana nodded "And how are you?"

Clark shrugged "I'm fine."

Lana walked up and sat next to Clark, "Are you sure Clark? I do believe I've known you long enough to at least be able to tell when you're not okay."

Clark looked at Lana amazed with how well she knew him. Even with his constant attempt to keep things from her she always seemed to know. "It's just been a really strange day."

"I'm always here if you need to talk Clark. You know that right?

Clark nodded. "Thanks Lana," he started, but he wasn't sure what to say. The image of Lana's grave kept popping into is mind. "I'm just grateful you've been a part of my life." He blurted out. Lana looked surprised. She clearly had not expected him to say that. He continued more slowly now. "I've always wondered what my life would have been like if my parents hadn't adopted me. I realize now that even as great as my life could have been with my real parents, I would never want to live without those that I love. I'm grateful for your friendship and all the time we've had together."

Lana wasn't sure what to say. It was almost as if Clark was opening up to her. She hesitated, worried that she would say something that would make him back away, like he always did. She finally replied honestly, as always. "I'm glad you've been a part of my life too Clark. I know what you mean. I've thought before how my life would be different if the meteor shower had never happened and my parents were still alive. I somehow always imagined that my life would be perfect if they were here. I don't know though," Lana shrugged. "Maybe it was meant to happen. The meteor shower may have made my life better somehow. We don't always know why things happen Clark, but maybe if we could see how certain events have changed our lives it would give us a different perspective on things."

"It's not that great to see," Clark said, and at a look from Lana he quickly added, "I guess."

Lana smile questioningly, "Okay Clark."

"I guess it _would_ give us a new perspective though," Clark continued, "Maybe help us realize what's important to us. And who is." Clark reached over and took hold of Lana's hand.

Lana was surprised, but relieved to finally have Clark talking about the way he felt. She gave his hand a little squeeze and smiled up at him. "Yeah."

Clark reflected again on his nightmare. He remembered wishing he could just have his life back to normal and being willing to do anything to get it that way. But he realized it would never be back to normal. He would always have the remembrance of his nightmare weighing down on him. That memory would change his life. Whether the changes would make it better or worse he wasn't sure. But at this moment the changes were definitely for the better. He pulled himself out of his thoughts and smiled down at Lana.


End file.
